some jokes

Some jokes
1-About school:

*A history joke:

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

*An ideal homework excuse:

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)
Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel.
Q: What starts with E, has an E in the middle, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.

2-About Exams:

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!
Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither»!

Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you !
Father: Why did you get such a low score in that test?
Son: Absence
Father: You were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

3-About sexes:

Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
My second half

-Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right; my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."